Feet of Clay

"Bingeley bingeley beep!"

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

...He hated the very idea of the world being divided into the shaved and the shavers. Or those who wore the shiny boots and those who cleaned the mud off them. Every time he saw Willikins the butler fold his, Vimes's, clothes, he suppressed a terrible urge to kick the butler's shiny backside as an affront to the dignity of man.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. I TURN UP ONLY ONCE.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

Slab: Jus' say "AarrghaarrghpleeassennononoUGH"

-- Detritus' war on drugs (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

There were no public health laws in Ankh-Morpork. It would be like installing smoke detectors in Hell.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

"Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...]"

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

You never ever volunteered. Not even if a sergant stood there and said, "We need someone to drink alcohol, bottles of, and make love, passionate, to women, for the use of." There was always a snag. If a choir of angels asked for volunteers for Paradise to step forward, Nobby knew enough to take one smart pace to the rear.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

"Today Is A Good Day For Someone Else To Die!"

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

Rumour is information distilled so finely that it can filter through anything. It does not need doors and windows -- sometimes it does not need people. It can exist free and wild, running from ear to ear without ever touching lips.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

In all, I've had seventeen demands for your badge. Some want parts of your body attached. Why did you have to upset everybody?

-- Lord Vetinari reproves Vimes. (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

It was Carrot who'd suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to "serve the community" by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and, given Ankh-Morpork's crime rate, leading to at least one old lady having her front room wallpapered so many times in six months that now she could only get in sideways.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

It was hard enough to kill a vampire. You could stake them down and turn them into dust and ten years later someone drops a drop of blood in the wrong place and guess who's back? They returned more times than raw broccoli.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)