Midsummersnightmeet: Report

Message-ID: <af5m0r$i2t$1@library.lspace.org>
From: "Jennifer en Reinier Sjouw" <reinier@afake.address>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett
Subject: [F] Constable Carrot's letter home from Patrick's Midsummermeet
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 01:36:11 +0200

Dear Mum and Dad,

I'm afraid there's no money to go with this letter.  Sgt Turtle had us all
go to the Beach of Noordwijk, and I will need to pay people to get immense
amounts of sand out of all of my gear.  't was a good trip though.  As the
Sergeant was unwilling to write a report, I'll leave a copy of this letter
in the files of the Watch.  That way, the duty staff can get an idea of what
went on.

I went to the meet together with lance constable Jennifer, lance rainbow
Patricia and Brigadier Leo (DSC and bar).  After a long trek through the
dunes, we finally reached the base camp that had been set up by Sgt. Turtle.
I kid you not when I say base camp - it was very base.  Or is that basic?
No tents had been erected (as should be done in accordance with regulation
537 section 892 of the Ankh Morpork city ordonances).

Upon arrival, the Lance Constable and I undertook to set up windshelter by
erecting our half tent.  Klatchian RSM François (from Klatch) gave us a much
appreciated hand - as did Kim (Angua's visiting sister).   Many other
members of the Watch were there - even some of the new staff from Überwald.
As soon as the tent was standing, Sgt. Turtle announced the start of the
excercises.  Chance teams were formed - I was teamed up with corporal
Labrat, Gefreiter Milde and Darth Arwen.  We were (like all other teams)
given an immense treasure - consisting of three glow-in-the-dark pebbles.

For reasons unbeknowst to me, we had to rename our team from Team A to
something else.  Obviously, our choice was to become Team Angua - later to
have the name changed into Angua and her married men. Most bewildering, as
Angua doesn't have any married men.

We did really well in transporting small lifeboats onto the beach, and even
better in BS Johnson volleybal (two teams of four players on a volleybal
field that streches one yard on either side of the net, and is eight yards
wide, and the net being the line of sight of two referees).   I will not say
that the trick to winning is intimidation (esp of the referees), but having
Darth Arwen on our team may have made a difference.

The weather then made us leave the beach.  Of course, the entire load of
food, materials to build a gazebo and other stuff had to be transported to a
more sheltered location (i.e. behind the dunes).  Much appreciated help was
provided by Leo, Kim and François in tranporting tent, food & Patricia - who
bluntly refuses to walk on sand.

The gazebo was erected and subsequently pulled down again as it seemed to
aspire a new career as a kite.  Food was had, jokes were cracked (we _must_
get sturdier ones next time).  There was much noise and gnashing^Wchattering
of teeth.

Eventually, the Sergeant declared it was time for the next challenge - the
clacksification of the Watch.  One of the problems provided by this is that
I'm still only a constable, and therefore not aware of what a clacks is.
Luckily, I saw Jos wave his arms, and subsequently convinced the rest of the
team to use semaphores (after all, if it's good enough for Linux, it's good
enough for us).

The other teams seemed to have started with similar strategies.  The winning
team was the team that was the first to abandon this strategy - ie not ours.
There were three main problems:  The book of signals was incomplete.  We did
not have a signal by which the receiving team could say "understood, next
letter" or "resend", or indeed anything other than a complete spelt out
message.  And neither my counting nor Arwen's counting manages to outrank
Detritus's counting on a moderately hot day.  Or as Gefreiter Milde subtly
put it: "Your seven sucks".

Even though the meet went on from there (to where will have to be told by
The Band  With Rocks In), other commitments (such as getting the lance
rainbow to bed) forced us to leave the dunes of Noordwijk.  The other
attendees followed shortly after, as the heavens truly opened.  We managed
to get back to Sto Delluft before the gates closed at 10 pm, only to find
that the Brigadier's scarf had independently set course for Le Iden.
"Luckily," he was heard to report,  "I have more than one scarf up my
sleeve".

This concludes my letter for now.  I hope that Father's cough is better - or
should that be worse?  I hope that Father is no longer troubled by a cough.
Please Give my Regards to Mindy.

Your loving son,

Constable Carrot

PS Many thanks to Sergeant Turtle and Staff Sergeant Eelco for their
creativity in setting up the meet, to Leo, Kim and François for helping out
with our ankle-biter, to my team mates for putting up with me and to all for
proving a generally pleasant atmosphere.

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