Author: mark cooper
Newsgroup:alt.fan.pratchett
Date:Sun, 27 Jun 1999
For the life of me, I can't recall who asked for it... but at last, here it is - the filk of Paradise by the Dashboard Light... no more Meat Loaf after this!
Hope you like it...
Mark
Gaspode and Angua (was Paradise by the Dashboard Light)
Maybe this is what would happen if Gaspode tried to have a date with Angua
(c.f. MAA)
*I. Paradise?*
Gaspode:
I remember every little thing
As if it only happened yesterday
Barking by the lake
And there was not another dog in sight
And I never had a bitch
Looking any better than you did
And all the dogs in Ankh
They were wishing they were me that night (howls)
But now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It doesn't feel so good, it doesn't feel so right
Your eyes are glowing like a flame in the middle of the night
C'mon! Not so tight!
C'mon! Not so tight!
I may be cold and lonely, but that's all right
I'll be in paradise if I stay all night...
Angua:
Ain't no doubt about it
We're both in a mess
Cause tonight's full moon
And you don't smell the best...
Ain't no doubt about it
I promise we won't talk about it
Ain't no doubt about it
We're both in a mess...
Gaspode:
I know tonight's full moon
And I don't smell the best
Babe, I kinda like my heart
And so I'm beggin', dontcha tear it out
I may have been living too long
But that don't mean that you can bite me, please...
And I gotta let ya know
That you will really regret it
So close your eyes, 'cause this is no surprise
It won't be all right
'Cause I've got Licky End and fleas...
Oh gods, I feel you breathing in my ear
I didn't realise that you'd come so near
I'm gonna pee myself if I don't run from here
I'd run all bloody night!
I'd run all bloody night!
I may be cold and lonely, but that's all right
I'd be in paradise if I stayed all night
Paradise if I stayed all night
Angua:
Run away if you can!
One bite, and Nature does all the rest
Ain't no doubt about it
We're both in a mess
'Cause tonight's a full moon
And you don't smell the --
Gaspode:
I'm gonna run all the way tonight
I'm gonna run all the way -
No way am I gonna stayyyyyyyyy!
*Gaspode runs like hell, Angua gives chase*
Radio Broadcast:
OK, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here, two
legs down, no fur on, desperate not to score, bottom of Peach
Pie Street, it's no wind up and there he goes, running like
hell down the middle, look at Gaspode go!
This dog can really fly!
He's made it up to Short Street and really turning it on now,
but Angua's not letting up at all, she's not gonna lose a
second; she's going to leap for the jugular... Here comes the
turning into The Street of Cunning Artificers, and what a
turning! He's gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's
in! No wait, Angua's skidded past, and now she's stopped
short -
Gaspode's really making things happen out there.
A cook's come out with a plate, here's his pitch - Gaspode's
going, and what an appetite he's got - he's asking for
thirds! Here's Angua; but he's left her in the dirt! Safe
but hurt! Holy cow, he's injured! He's still taking a
pretty big lead out there, almost daring her to try and pick
him off.
Angua sees him, winds up, and she's gaining, gaining on the
little pooch, the suicide run is on!
Here she comes, squeeze play, it's gonna be close, here's
the leap - she's gonna get him at the Hubwards Gate! He's
not going to make it!
* II. Let Me Chew on It *
Gaspode:
Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before you go any further --!
Will you bite me?
I'll be a werewolf forever?
Will you maim me?
Will you try to bleed me?
Will you make me a werewolf for the rest of my days?
I'll be biting people in a blood-drenched haze!
Will you bite me?
I'll be a werewolf forever?
Will you main me?
Will you try to bleed me?
Will you tear out my throat or leave me gasping for air?
Leave me alone, and I'll tell no-one, I swear!
I gotta know right now
Before you go any further
Will you bite me!!!?
I'll be a werewolf forever!!!?
Angua:
Let me chew on it
Gaspode, Gaspode let me chew on it
Let me chew on it
And you'll know the answer in the morning...
Let me bite on it
Give me your neck and let me bite on it
Let me bite on it
And you'll know the answer in the morning...
Let me nibble it
Show me your throat and let me nibble it
Let me nibble it
And you'll know the answer in the morning...
Gaspode:
I gotta know right now!
Will you bite me?
I'll be a werewolf forever?
Will you maim me?
Will you try to bleed me?
Will you make me a werewolf for the rest of my days?
I'll be biting people in a blood-drenched haze!
I gotta know right now!
Before you go any further
Will you bite me?
I'll be a werewolf forever?
Angua:
Let me chew on it
Gaspode, Gaspode let me chew on it
Let me chew on it
And you'll know the answer in the morning...
Gaspode:
I'll be a werewolf forever!
Angua:
Let me chew on it!!!
Gaspode:
I'll be a werewolf forever!
*III. Praying for the End of Time*
Angua:
I couldn't take it any longer
Gods, I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my gods and on my mother's grave
That I would bite you, hairy little swine -
I went and bit you then, you little swine!
Gaspode:
And now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I spend another minute like this
Then no one in this place is gonna survive!
You bit hard in my neck, you evil little cow
And gods only know what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with youuuuuu!
* howl *
It was long ago and it was far away
and it was so much better than it is today
Angua:
It didn't feel so good
It didn't feel so right
I went over to the gutter
And was sick all night...
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