The Unadulterated Cat

Our garden was debated territory between five local cats, and we'd heard that the best way to keep other cats out of the garden was to have one yourself. A moment's rational thought here will spot the slight flaw in this reasoning.

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat)

Boot-faced cats aren't born but made, often because they've tried to outstare or occasionally rape a speeding car and have been repaired by a vet who just pulled all the bits together and stuck the stitches in where there was room.

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat)

Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat)

It's an interesting fact that fewer than 17 % of Real cats end their lives with the same name they started with. Much family effort goes into selecting one at the start ("She looks like a Winnifred to me"), and the as the years roll by it suddenly finds itself being called Meepo or Ratbag.

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat)

Next comes the realist phase ("After all, from a purely geometrical point of view a cat is only a tube with a door at the top.").

-- Getting Real cats to take medication can be a problem (Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat)

Everyone's heard of Erwin Schrodinger's famous thought experiment. You put a cat in a box with a bottle of poison, which many people would suggest is about as far as you need to go.

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat)

Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're being chased and eaten by most of the planet's large animals, and suddenly tiny versions of one of the worst of them wanders into the cave and starts to purr.

-- Why humans like cats (Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat)